When it comes to child custody cases, one of the most common questions I hear as a lawyer is: Can my child decide who they want to live with? It’s a fair question and one that sparks a lot of confusion. After all, children often have opinions, and as a parent, you want to know whether those opinions carry weight in court.
If you’re navigating a custody case in Pennsylvania, understanding how the law works is essential. In this article, I’ll break it all down for you in plain, simple language. By the end, you’ll know what role your child’s wishes play, what a judge considers, and how you can prepare for your case.
The Short Answer: No, Children Don’t Get the Final Say
Let’s get this out of the way first: in Pennsylvania, a child cannot legally decide which parent they want to live with. The final decision is always up to the judge.
However, your child’s opinion can matter—and judges often consider it as part of their overall decision. How much weight the court gives to their preference depends on several factors.
So while your child doesn’t get to “pick” a parent outright, their voice can still make a difference.
Why Doesn’t the Child Get to Decide?
You might be thinking, But my child knows what they want! Why wouldn’t the court listen to them?
Here’s the deal: custody decisions are based on what’s in the best interest of the child. While children’s opinions are important, they may not always be in line with what’s truly best for their safety, stability, and well-being.
For example:
- A young child might choose a parent who lets them skip homework and play video games all day.
- An older child might favor the “fun” parent over the one enforcing stricter rules.
While those choices make sense to a child, they don’t always reflect the healthiest long-term environment. That’s why judges look at the big picture when making their decision.
How Pennsylvania Courts Decide Custody
In any custody case, judges must focus on one key question: What’s in the best interest of the child? Pennsylvania law outlines 16 different factors that judges must consider when deciding custody. These include:
- Each parent’s ability to provide a stable home
- The relationship between the child and each parent
- Any history of abuse or neglect
- How willing each parent is to cooperate with the other
- The child’s need for stability in their education and community
And—you guessed it—one of those factors is the child’s preference. But, it’s only one piece of the puzzle.
The Child’s Preference: What Matters to the Judge?
Judges don’t simply ask a child, “Who do you want to live with?” and call it a day. Instead, they consider:
- The child’s age: Older, more mature children are typically given more weight.
- The child’s reasoning: Why does the child prefer one parent? Is it for a legitimate reason or something less meaningful (like, “Mom lets me stay up late”)?
- The child’s maturity and understanding: Does the child understand the implications of their choice?
For example, a 15-year-old who explains they want to live with Dad because of a better school district may have more influence than a 7-year-old saying they want to live with Mom because she has a pool.
A Personal Story
Years ago, I worked with a family where two siblings, ages 14 and 16, wanted to live with their dad. They explained their reasons clearly: Dad’s house was closer to school, and they felt more comfortable there. The judge listened and gave their opinions a lot of weight because they were mature and their reasoning was sound.
On the other hand, I’ve had cases where younger kids gave preferences that didn’t align with their best interests. In those situations, the judge focused more on other factors like safety, stability, and the parent-child relationship.
At What Age Can a Child Have a Say in Pennsylvania?
There’s no magic age when a child can decide. Pennsylvania law doesn’t set a specific cutoff. Instead, it depends on the child’s maturity and ability to express their opinion.
That said, the older a child gets, the more seriously their preference will be taken. In my experience:
- Children under 10 typically have little influence in the decision.
- Kids aged 10-13 may have their opinions considered, but not heavily.
- Teenagers (14+) often have a stronger voice, as judges assume they have the maturity to understand their choice.
But What About Teenagers?
Even for older teens, their preference isn’t the final word. A judge can still overrule a 16-year-old’s wishes if they believe it’s not in the child’s best interest.
For example, if a 16-year-old wants to live with a parent who’s unstable or has a history of neglect, the court may decide against it—even if the teen is adamant.
How Does the Judge Hear the Child’s Preference?
This is another question I get a lot: Does my child have to testify in court?
The answer is usually no. Judges try to protect children from the stress of open courtrooms whenever possible.
Instead, the judge might:
- Speak to your child privately in their chambers (a casual, less intimidating setting).
- Appoint a Guardian ad Litem (GAL) to represent your child’s interests and communicate their wishes.
- Rely on a custody evaluator who interviews your child as part of a larger evaluation.
The goal is to make the process as comfortable as possible for your child while still gathering important information.
What Can You Do as a Parent?
If you’re worried about your child’s role in your custody case, here are some tips to help:
1. Keep Your Child Out of the Conflict
Never ask your child to pick sides or pressure them to say what you want. Judges can tell when a child has been coached, and it will hurt your case.
2. Focus on What’s Best for Your Child
Show the court that you prioritize your child’s health, education, and overall well-being. Maintain a stable home and be actively involved in their life.
3. Work with an Experienced Lawyer
A skilled family law attorney can guide you through the process and help you understand how your child’s preference might play into the case.
4. Support Your Child Emotionally
Custody cases are stressful for kids, too. Make sure they feel safe and loved no matter what happens.
Final Thoughts: Your Child’s Voice Matters, But It’s Not the Only Factor
While your child doesn’t get to make the final call, their opinion can still matter in a Pennsylvania custody case. Judges want to hear what kids have to say—especially if they’re older and mature enough to understand the situation.
That said, the court’s ultimate goal is always the same: to decide what’s in your child’s best interest. As a parent, your job is to show that you can provide the love, stability, and support they need.
If you’re facing a custody case and wondering how your child’s opinion might factor in, don’t navigate it alone. I’ve helped many families through this process, and I’m here to help you, too.
Reach out for a consultation, and let’s work together to find the best path forward for you and your child.
- Child Custody
