The #1 Thing Pennsylvania Judges Hate to See in Custody Cases

If you’re in the middle of a custody case, you’re probably feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and maybe even a little scared. I get it—custody cases can be emotionally exhausting and legally complex. As a lawyer who has worked with many families navigating these waters, let me tell you one thing: Pennsylvania judges take custody cases very seriously. Their job is to determine what’s best for your child, and they don’t take that responsibility lightly.

So, what’s the #1 thing Pennsylvania judges hate to see in custody cases? Simply put, it’s parents who put their own interests ahead of their children’s well-being.

Let’s dive into why this is such a big deal, what behaviors to avoid, and how you can show the court that your focus is on your kids.

Why Judges Focus on the Child’s Best Interest

Pennsylvania courts operate under a standard called the “best interest of the child.” This means every decision a judge makes in a custody case revolves around what’s best for your child’s emotional, physical, and mental well-being.

Judges want to see parents working together to support their children, even if they don’t get along. They understand that divorce or separation is tough, but they expect parents to rise above their personal issues for the sake of their kids.

What Happens When Parents Fail to Prioritize Their Children?

Here’s the thing: when a parent acts in a way that shows they’re more interested in “winning” a custody case than taking care of their child, it sends a giant red flag to the court.

I once represented a father who had a great relationship with his kids, but during the custody battle, he made the mistake of badmouthing the children’s mother in front of them. The kids were confused and upset. When this came up in court, the judge wasn’t happy. That one misstep hurt his case, even though he was otherwise a good parent.

The Top Behaviors Judges Dislike in Custody Cases

If you’re trying to show the court that you’re a responsible, caring parent, there are certain behaviors you must avoid. Here are the top things that will frustrate a Pennsylvania judge:

1. Badmouthing the Other Parent

One of the quickest ways to lose favor with a judge is to speak negatively about your co-parent, especially in front of your kids. This can include:

• Calling them names
• Accusing them of things without evidence
• Talking about court proceedings with your children

Judges see this as harmful because it puts your kids in the middle. Children love both parents, and hearing one parent criticize the other can create confusion and emotional distress.

What You Can Do Instead:

Focus on showing respect for your co-parent, even if you don’t get along. If you need to vent, talk to a trusted friend or therapist, not your children.

2. Ignoring Court Orders

Another big no-no is ignoring or violating court orders. This might include:

• Refusing to follow a visitation schedule
• Withholding your child from the other parent
• Failing to attend court-ordered parenting classes

Judges see this as a sign that you’re not willing to cooperate, which can hurt your case.

I had a client who refused to let their ex see their child because of a disagreement over child support. While I understood their frustration, the judge didn’t. Custody and child support are separate issues, and the court expects parents to follow orders, no matter what.

3. Using Your Child as a Pawn

Some parents try to “win” custody by manipulating their children or using them to hurt the other parent. This can include:

• Asking your child to spy on the other parent
• Pressuring your child to pick sides
• Offering rewards for choosing you over the other parent

Judges can spot this behavior a mile away, and they don’t like it. It shows that you’re putting your needs above your child’s well-being.