If you’re preparing for a custody conciliation conference, you probably have a lot of questions. In short, this is a meeting where both parents, and often their attorneys, sit down with a conciliator to try and agree on a parenting plan. The goal? Avoid the need for a full-blown court battle. Think of it as a collaborative problem-solving session—but with the structure and seriousness of a court proceeding.
As a family lawyer in Pennsylvania, I’ve guided many clients through this process. Let me walk you through everything you need to know to feel prepared and confident.
What Is a Custody Conciliation Conference?
At its core, a custody conciliation conference is an opportunity for parents to work out custody arrangements in a less formal setting than a courtroom. It’s not a trial, and no one is there to “win” or “lose.” Instead, the focus is on finding a workable custody plan that prioritizes your child’s best interests.
A conciliator, who is often an experienced attorney or court-appointed officer, facilitates the discussion. They’ll listen to each side, review evidence if necessary, and help guide the parents toward an agreement. If an agreement is reached, it can often be turned into a court order right then and there. If not, the case may move on to a formal hearing or trial.
What Happens at a Custody Conciliation Conference?
Arrival and Check-In
When you arrive at the courthouse, you’ll check in with the court staff. Depending on the county, you might wait in a designated room until the conciliator is ready. It’s important to arrive on time and dress as if you’re attending a court hearing—business casual is typically fine.
Opening Statements
The conciliator will usually start by explaining the purpose of the conference and setting ground rules. Then, each parent (or their attorney) will have a chance to briefly outline their position. This is your opportunity to calmly explain what you’re seeking and why it’s in your child’s best interest.
Facilitated Discussion
The bulk of the conference involves discussion, negotiation, and problem-solving. The conciliator may:
- Ask questions to clarify each parent’s position.
- Encourage compromise on specific issues.
- Offer insights into how the court might view certain requests.
This isn’t the time for mudslinging or venting grievances. Keep the focus on your child and their needs. I always remind my clients: the conciliator isn’t interested in who’s “right” or “wrong”—they care about what’s best for the child.
Resolution or Next Steps
If you and the other parent reach an agreement, the conciliator will help put it in writing, and it may become a binding court order. If you can’t agree, the case will likely move on to a pretrial conference or a hearing before a judge.
How to Prepare for a Custody Conciliation Conference
Gather Your Documents
Bring anything that supports your case, such as:
- A proposed parenting schedule.
- Records of your involvement in your child’s life (school events, medical appointments, extracurricular activities).
- Communication logs (texts or emails) with the other parent, if they’re relevant.
Being organized shows the conciliator you take the process seriously.
Know Your Priorities
Before the conference, take some time to reflect on what matters most to you. Is it ensuring you have equal parenting time? Minimizing transitions for your child? Whatever your priorities are, be ready to articulate them clearly.
Work with Your Lawyer
A good family lawyer will help you:
- Understand the legal standards for custody in Pennsylvania.
- Develop a realistic parenting plan.
- Practice how to present your case effectively.
One of my clients once said, “I felt so much calmer walking into the conference knowing you had my back.” That’s exactly how you should feel.
Stay Child-Focused
Judges and conciliators want to see that you’re prioritizing your child’s well-being. Avoid using the conference as a platform to air grievances about your ex. Instead, frame everything in terms of what’s best for your child.
What to Expect During the Discussion
The tone of the discussion can vary depending on the personalities involved. Some conferences are collaborative and productive, while others can feel tense. The conciliator’s job is to keep things on track.
Be Open to Compromise
You might not get everything you want—and that’s okay. The goal is to reach an agreement that works for everyone. I’ve seen parents start a conference worlds apart and walk out with a plan they’re both happy with. It’s all about finding common ground.
Handle Emotional Moments Gracefully
Custody discussions are inherently emotional. If things get heated, take a deep breath and refocus. Remember, your calm demeanor will leave a positive impression on the conciliator.
Lean on Your Lawyer
If you have an attorney, they’re there to guide the discussion and advocate for you. Let them handle the legal nuances so you can focus on staying calm and collected.
Common Questions About Custody Conciliation Conferences
Do I Need a Lawyer?
While it’s not required, having an attorney can make a big difference. They can help you navigate the process, advocate for your priorities, and ensure your rights are protected.
What If My Ex Refuses to Compromise?
If one parent is unwilling to negotiate, the conciliator may recommend moving the case to a judge. While this isn’t ideal, it’s sometimes necessary.
What Happens If We Can’t Agree?
If no agreement is reached, the conciliator will usually prepare a summary of the conference for the judge. The case will then proceed to the next stage, which might include mediation, a pretrial conference, or a hearing.
My Personal Experience as a Lawyer
One of my most memorable cases involved a couple who came into the conference barely able to speak to each other. By focusing on their shared love for their daughter and working through a detailed parenting plan, we left with an agreement that satisfied both parties. Moments like that remind me why I do this work—helping parents find solutions that put their children first.
In another case, a client came prepared with a beautifully organized binder of documents. The conciliator was so impressed that it set a collaborative tone for the entire discussion. Preparation really does pay off.
Final Thoughts
A custody conciliation conference can feel overwhelming, but it’s also an opportunity to take control of your case and work toward a resolution that benefits your child. By staying organized, child-focused, and open to compromise, you’ll increase your chances of a positive outcome.
And remember, you don’t have to navigate this process alone. As your lawyer, I’m here to provide guidance, support, and advocacy every step of the way. If you have questions or need help preparing for your custody conciliation conference, don’t hesitate to reach out.
- Child Custody
